I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
