There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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