I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
