She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
only you would photoshop your dick
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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