Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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