thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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