This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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