Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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