perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
this hospital has no fireball
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
