I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
