She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
