i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
