I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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