drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
