I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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