yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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