I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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