Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
