Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
