I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
