a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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