he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
