so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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