Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
