After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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