I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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