also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
