There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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