You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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