Having a random hookup so left but love u
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
