First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
