I just cut my nipple shaving
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
