She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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