i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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