Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
