i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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