we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
