oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
