They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
