I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
