A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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