can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
