He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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