just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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