you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
