Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
