Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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