I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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