Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
