you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
