you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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