..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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