You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
