I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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